JUDGMENTS AND CONDITIONING – GIUDIZI E CONDIZIONAMENTI
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Judgments and Conditioning can limit behaviors and choices and therefore the
freedom to express fully yourself.
The time taken to pay attention to limiting beliefs takes away an enormous amount of energy, which
we often do not realize, because we are committed to managing the discomfort they cause.
Think about how much energy you lose when your mind is occupied with fears and doubts about
what you do when you also question choices that you feel strongly yours but, not being them for
others, you continue to postpone, moving away yourself from what you really feel yours.
Limiting beliefs give a narrow and distorted vision of reality, which leads to live with “the hand
brake”, blocked by feelings of guilt, fears and a sense of inadequacy, which find fertile ground in
insecurity and lack of confidence in your abilities.
In reality, much of the judgment that we perceive externally, born within us, in our mind: in fact,
people do not spend their lives observing and judging us and, in any case, even if they do this, it
would be their point of view, which could bring us also a useful reflection, but without taking our
The effect that the opinions of others can cause inside us, also depends on the strength of the judge
who lives within us.
In limiting beliefs, there are in fact present and internalized judgments and criticisms received in the
past from people considered authoritative and reference, such as your parents or other educational
figures, opinions that can continue to influence your present.
Internalized opinions and judgments of others, if negative, can in fact lead to live the present with
an excessively severe and critical attitude.
Your thoughts could instead be used in a healthier and more constructive way, looking with love
and acceptance of who you are: a person who sometimes stumbles or makes mistakes, but who
every time has the possibility to get up and go further, making choices in harmony with yourself,
day by day.
If you have recurring thoughts such as:
• I’m not able
• I’m always wrong
• I could have done better / more
• Others are better than me
• I’m too fat
• I am ugly
Or your actions and choices are conditioned by doubts such as:
• If I do this, or if I’m wrong, what will they think of me?
• If I show my fragility / weakness they will no longer love me
• I don’t want to go out tonight, but if I don’t maybe my friends will be upset or they will think I’m
Perhaps the time has come to give space to new thoughts, more useful for your emotional wellbeing
So what can you do to let go of these limiting beliefs and head for the freedom to be yourself?
FIVE STEPS TOWARDS FREEDOM
1) COMMUNICATE WHO YOU ARE! First of all, when you talk with people, avoid talking about
yourself in a negative way: perhaps without realizing it, you define yourself with devaluing and
excessively critical words. Doing this it takes away value from who you are and reinforces unfounded
beliefs that you don’t deserve.
2) NEUTRALITY: when someone express negative opinions or judgments about you or what you are
doing, consider them for what they are: the opinion of another person. Listen to what they are told
without discarding it in advance, but don’t make your emotional well-being and who you are
depending on the words of other people (words that are often nothing more than the projection of
something that is theirs but that has nothing to do with you).
3) LISTEN YOUR BODY: in your daily life, pay attention to the sensations you feel at the physical
level when you make choices or take actions that you do not feel yours and situations in which fears
and insecurity create discomfort to you. Observe if you feel tension, perhaps in the stomach or chest
area, which arise only in these situations.
They may seem trivial observations, but in reality they can provide you an extra key to
understanding the effects and consequences of your conditioned actions.
4) TRY ASKING YOURSELF: Who are you pleasing? In what I am doing Is there a real desire of mine
or am I pleasing the will of someone else, perhaps to feel loved and accepted?
Gradually acknowledging how much your behaviors and actions are truly wanted, allows you to take
the first step in letting go of your limiting thoughts.
5) Finally, take HEALTHY DISTANCES from sad memories of the past: withholding painful
experiences with the memory, moves you from the present, increases the insecurity and discomfort
of unresolved emotional wounds, which should instead be integrated.
This does not means erasing the past, but giving yourself a chance to experience your life and
creative force now.
If letting go of limiting thoughts and conditioning is difficult, or you prefer to be supported in doing
this, we can take this step together, in a path tailored to you.
From respect and acceptance of yourself, you can create a new way of “being in life”, in the full
manifestation of who you are.
Dott.ssa Paola Torti
Professional Counselor – Trainer – Mindfulness Coach